my team

we all go to th same dentist. LITERALLY!



th new addition to theee family!



mah ace. th baddest lookin mixed chicks in LA.





i Live for my future you will NEVER fit in my circle if you aint about nothin`every single chick i roll with got BEAU[[tee]] [&] BRAiNs pretty eFFiN tight i must say so myself. NO time for the yampz [&] dogz NO time for the drama [&] Deceiving twisted ass snakez in the world. im just a RARE BREED through the Rain [&] Shine im a good girl that will NEVER go bad iM Only 22 yRz of age [&] already On the road too riches i do the modeling thing just for pocket change i do this school thang for my long money chain im about my cash so show me where the stash at
PERiOD.point===>BLANK. iT just gets this way sometimes . . .
Bold.Blessed.&&.
Beau[[teee]]fuL
love you aLwayzz. . .

DRAkE walked in HERE lookin like theee muthufkn man of theee YEAR

drizzy babyyyyyyy



"I'm throwed & I'm high
i guess I'm throwed up"-drake.






i can believe this guy!
he's somethin so viscious! He is th man indeed. who knew liddo Jimmy from Degrassi would turn out to be a AMAZing rapper. its sick!
i love Degrassi. i only watched it for him! i jst had to know who he was!
he turned frm ahh boy into a fine ass young man! whhhhooooaaaaaa.






soooooo yea. . . knt wait to see him in concert! im thre front¢er!







&he's ahh scorpio. Ttttttttsssssssss me tooo. wht ahh coincidence? well eventhough he's liek 2&ahh half weeks older than me!



ifucks wit Drake to th maxxxxxxxx. . . since im theeee LA it girl i got people on him &they didn't even watch degrassi!

i dont get bitter, i just get better.

Living life from a whole different angle. Only see the road through the wings of an angel. And I can see the heart on your sleeve, and I know this s*** is hard to believe. You gon' have to get over it.-drake.

history babaayyy

this amazing man who ii support 111%
was elected as the 44th president
&& the 1st black president in our nation's
history. God Bless America.
GO OBAMA.





prop 8 passed in cali tho =/
ii signed the petition to re-open it.
i'm a STRONG supporter of EQUAL RiGHTS .
NO ON 8!

#1

how important is sex?..in a relationship and out of one. not just sex, but "action" period (touching, oral, dry sex, whatever it is that gets you off). can you be with someone and be 100% happy without having the sexual aspect of it? please no 'sex isn't important at all!' answers unless you truly feel that way, we all have needs.. post anonymously if you must but be real. is it selfish to want to be sexual with your significant other when they don't. would you leave someone because of a lack of intimacy when everything else is fine? if not, what happens when you reach your breaking point? should intimacy of any kind automatically be apart of a relationship? what if you and your s/o were regularly intimate, and the next day they decided to stop having sex. then what would you do? continue on knowing you have needs? would you just masterbate everyday? 

i ask because i was watching an episode of tyra where they discussed the importance of sex and the 'rules'. she had a bunch of couples on going through problems because of sex, and a panel of men and women discussing and it was pretty interesting to see how many women admitted to intimacy being an important part of a healthy and happy relationship. just as important as communication and honesty lol.

to sum it up: is intimacy a must? i'll assume that most of you have been sexual in some sort of way...if you were in the position where you knew intimacy was out of the question, how would you feel? i guess you can use that to figure out exactly how important it is to you. do you have to test drive the car before driving it off the lot? would you have wandering eyes? and would those eyes get the best of you?

real

i'm disappointed, amazed, disgusted, and entertained all at the same time. its nothing new, i've experienced it before. all i can do now is just laugh. laugh laugh laugh at your pathetic attempt to resurrect what you've already destroyed. should've taken the advice of um, everyone. well i didn't but you live and you learn. i can't say the signs weren't there though, i just refused to listen to them. it was all just a little weird for me. you know, your obsession. step back into reality. i'll give it to you, you've come a long way but there's still work to be done. accept yourself. 1 of you has, but still can use some lessons in um, life. and the other, don't get me started. hot n cold. on and off. off and on. day in and day out. you only think we don't see it but we do. you only think we're naive but we're not. it's like tyra says, make an ugly face...then pull it back some. don't overcompensate it's not necessary. don't let your imagination get the best of you, it's not becoming. the world isn't laughing with you, they're laughing at you. this too shall pass, shout out to Bey. focus on yours not everyone elses. repetition repetition repetition. same shit, different day. inconsistency. maybe one day, maybe not. now take what you think this is about, and throw it out the window...because ur completely wrong

[ fast life....]

summer 2k8...

sex .money . trees . bodyink .patron . club . niggas . function .




the end..

modeling!!!!!!!!

ok so over he weekend i did a photoshoot for one of my friends. and i loved every single second of it!

but i found someone new ..

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cause I put to much energy in him and me
Can't wait till I get through this phase
Cause its killing me
To bad we can't re-write our own history
Such a mystery when hes here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how its supposed to be

ENERGY . keri hils0n .

that song ALWAYS reminds me of him , and though i made it official with him .. icant help but miss , think , and wonder about my past . . iknow igotta get off it .. and ikinda do feel bad . itake that back ; IFEEL bad . its like im using him ! and i`ve never been that type ! idont wanna think of B has the REBOUND , and idont wanna USE him to get over the past ,,, to be honest .. thats why im here in the position im in RIght now ! iused HIM to get over my last past .. && fell so DEEP and DOWN , that fuCk , look at me now ! .. this cant be life !

pain .

" You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you. If others say one thing, but do another, you are lying to yourself if u don't listen to their actions. But if you are truthful with yourself, you will save yourself a lot of emotional pain. Telling yourself the truth may hurt, but you don't need to be attached to the pain."

_ the way y0u say it . . .

It’s the way you say it ,
the way you show you care.
The ways you make me laugh
and the way you hold me close.
The night you asked me out ,
the time we talked through the night.
When I said I missed you,
you said you didn't because
I was laying next to you in your mind.
That's the way it's been ever since,
never to be without one and another.
The way you make me feel.
It's the way you make me feel that is
* u n e x p l a i n a b l e .
Sometimes I think I'm in a fantasy,
or maybe my dear god sent me an angel.
--------------------------------------------
my l0ve is his ; & his is mines
a friend became the ..

underneath it all

you can ;
dress me up &
make up to be ;
what you`d like to see ..
what pleases the eye ,
BUT that`s a d i s g u i s e .
underneath all the make up ;
the jewelry ; the fake stuff ..
i will [ n e v e r ] be
M0RE or LESS than any0ne esle .
we are all of flesh & bones ,
& all the wealth iposses is 0f
kn0wledge . l0ve . & life ..
diam0nds & g0ld , mean n0thing
t0 me .. the trees & the m0untains
are [r e a l] beauty , my soul ..
n0t my face .. has the * real
* b e a u t y .

Missing "US"

i just wanna smile again ;
but thr0ugh all the hurt & pain
i kn0w its g0nna bring me a brighter day ,
& n0 matter what might c0me my way ..
i kn0w i`ll be 0KAY . "

s0 yeah..

" i can admit that i
was a tie that was caught in a phaze
wanting a part of the game
but now iknow im losing it from now
with you
your my right when im wrong
when icant carry on
youve become the better me
that keeps me from falling
you came to teach me
and never hurt us
ipromise to be nothing less than the woman you deserve. "
ican see forever in yu ; . .
inever knew l0ve l0ve l0ve ;
nnnnnnnnn ee wh0o .

I deserve an mtv show for me and my people, and if you tryna zooone, I got a whole swisha sweet full

"Fuckin' fantastic, fuck if you agree. I shine bright, but I give a fuck if you see me."

2009 is my year. I know a lot of people say it, but I'm not tryna "take over the l.a" or "be the most seen girl in the valley." I don't want the sickest ride evaaa, or to be the most, blunted girl out there.. I don't care about hittin' Les Deux every Tuesday, or spendin my paycheck @ Intermix. If 2008 was the year of lessons, building,etc., then 2009 is the year of the fulfillment of the vision that's been set in the latter days of 2008. I see myself stable by twenty-three, period. Writing has fallen by the wayside right now, and I'm working on a couple prestigious projects.. nepotism at its finest. But if your people were doin' what mine do, you'd be on it too. Don't hate.., and proceed. Sigh.. I'll come up. Big whoop. I want a Cadillac CTS.. Ima get my Caddy within a couple months tho, mark my words. It's a shame that I spent this year learning some shit I kinda already knew. But I have a hard head, and it takes a coo minute for shit to sink in. I got it now though. Lesson learned, year (kinda) wasted. But it all comes down to this right here:

-If you don't define success, someone else will do it for you.

-If you don't schedule your time, someone else will do it for you.

I'm sorry guys I can't help it:(

Beautiful days are long gone
I can't seem to breathe
feels like it hasn't been that long
since you walked away from me
now I can try to act real strong
but you and I both know I still think of you that way
and you should know that
The beautiful lights, the star filled nights
they don't mean a thing
cuz you are my star so it don't seem right
without you here with me
now I can try to act real strong
but you and I both know its hard for me to say
you were my soul
Now I could say that I don't love you no more
and I could say that I've closed the door for our love
and I could tell you I'm feeling
its time for us to go our seperate ways
but baby I just wouldn't be the same
cuz girl your love is still on my brain
Now when you're in love it takes time to heal
when someone's broken your heart and changes how you feel
girl I thought that you never do me that way
but even after all I still think of you that way... noooo
Now I could say I don't love you no more
and I could say that I've closed the door for our love
and I could tell you I'm feeling
its time for us to go our seperate ways
but baby I just wouldn't be the same
cuz girl your love is still on my brain
Now love is a game that we both like to play
will I win or lose, if I go, or if I stay
even though I try to hide my broken heart inside
girl you know me inside-out
and I can't get you out off of my mind yea yea
Now I could say I don't love you no more
and I could say that I've closed the door for our love
and I could tell you I'm feeling
its time for us to go our seperate ways
but baby I just wouldn't be the same
cuz girl your love is still on my brain

This is Me.

i don't even have to write anything about my where-abouts or what i do, how i feel, or what i'm currently thinking because you all seem to know everything about me already... right?

September 1st

and this day shall R.I.P.

peace&love

honestly, the beach is one of my favorite things about living in southern California. if i could, i would go to the beach everyday. it felt so nice being there, in the late afternoon, people watching, a slight cool breeze and the sand between my toes. it was totally unplanned, we just went... and it felt so nice. moments of silence were not uncomfortable, and a nice simple conversation warmed my heart. dreams of one day owning a beach home so that any time of the day we could walk outside and just sit in the sand and listen to the oceans waves. it brings a sense of peace and serenity to the mind. i loved it.

"Most of the time the faces we face are not the other guys', but our own faces. and it's the worst kind of yellowness to be so scared of yourself you put blindfolds on rather than deal with yourself. -- to face ourselves. -- that's the hard thing. -- the imagination. -- that's God's gift to make the act of self-examination bearable."

this quote is probably one of the best things i've heard. especially living in Los Scandalous, everyone wears a mask at some point. it's what we think people want, us with the masks on, because why would people care about the real us, the emotional, scared, make-up-less, naked, no swag version of ourselves. and that's what makes this so deep. we are so worried about others and what they think, we become blind to even our true selves, because we are scared no one will accept or appreciate the real us. a friend of mine and i had a conversation about this, and he mentioned that the truth is so unattractive to most people on the outside, and i told him it doesn't even matter. theres no need to impress everyone, because in the end someONE will accept the truth and love and appreciate you for it, and that's all you really need. you go home either alone or to one, not to 1000 people. so in the end why worry about them? some people do it in their search for happiness, but sometimes i feel people look too hard for that point of happiness that they miss it when it is right in front of their faces. never being satisfied is a curse and a blessing. in growing, i've become an expert at pretending, the master of disguise. and no its not fake, just learned to never give myself fully. look at me and tell me wat you see, and i'll tell you what i am, and then you decide if you should believe it or not. think about it.

we all fear it.

before you ask or assume and write your negativity, yes, this entry is based off recent experience. yes i'm putting it out there. but, you can't deny it. we all have a fear of being alone. so fuck it, just share the feelings and express yourself.
you see, before him, she was just her. and before her, he was just him. they were okay with that because it's all they ever knew. then he came along and her and him became them. from that day on they were always together. daily life involved each other. every story she had to share came back to him, and vise versa. it was always "we" and never "me." then, one day, they became him an her again. and now they knew what loneliness really felt like... because you don't know what it is to be alone until you have experienced togetherness. it scared them. so they found their way back to each other, but this time in a different way. they became them again but not the them they once knew, this was a new them. both of them holding on to any part of the past "them" as much as they could so that their fear of loneliness wouldn't intrude their lives.. at least not just yet. but it soon will, and they both know it, and who knows what will happen then... or what will even happen after the loneliness goes away.

don't sell yourself to...

* I'm a selfish person..
* I know, but life doesn't always work in your favor.
* But I do Love you. I'm in love with you.
* I think our love for one another is different..
* If I dated someone else a year from now, would you still want me?
* No. How could I be with you after I've seen you give another the same thing we had? It takes away from what we had, and it's no longer special.
* I know you're what I need, but my wants are in the way right now. But i do know that I'm going to Marry you.
* I can't, and I won't wait forever.

internet[k]

the internet can lead people to so many thoughts... its crazy. people assume stuff from pictures, or take little actions to heart. away messages are posted to make people think, and some give too much info, while some never give enough. people don't even talk on the phone anymore, they just text or AIM instead. i am even a victim to this, because lord knows i hate being on the phone. it's so much easier to AIM and what not. i don't know, but the internet, with all its blogs, websites, pictures, and aways, is just so misleading, yet they sometimes bring out the truth in so many situations. its like you hate to love it. just never assume what you see is what it looks like, even in real life. everyone wears a mask, everyone lies, and everyone plays a role in the streets... i mean, this is Hollywood right?

48hours

okay, so i haven't slept since Friday night. i hung out with some friends, had a lil dranky drank, went to the U-N-I show, hung out with friends till like 2am. then once we got home, we had company till almost freakin 6am. Ashlie tried giving me the worst advice ever (but we all know i know better than to listen lol) & we slept over Aricka's. The 3 of us woke up at 7am to go to the AA flea Market that opened at 12pm. we were in line from 8:30am and didn't leave the damn place till 2pm. there was like 20 of us lol. it was so hot and crowded that by the time we got to shop, we were all irritated and ready to go. but we came up on some clothes! after that, went back to Aricka's and took a nice cool shower which was absolutely amazing. we tried to nap, but that didn't work, hung out with friends some more, and now i'm home. i am absolutely tired and was going to drive to my god familys because that's where i'll be staying for the week, but i'll wait till the morning lol.

anticipation

sooo, tomorrow is going to be a wonderful Sunday. Ashlie, Aricka and I are going to have a sleep over tonight so that at the break of dawn we can head down to the AA flea market. i am so excited for no reason lol! cheap clothes duhhh! clothes clothes clothes! and then after all that excitement, more good times lay ahead for the day... muahahaha! and then Aug 15th, mini road trip with the ladies.. poolside tanning, dranks, camera, videos, girl talk, all of it, i simply cannot wait!

Ima make YOUR song cry

A face of stone, was shocked on the other end of the phone, Word back home is that you had a special friend. So what was oh so special then? I have given away without gettin at you, That's MY fault, how many times have I forgiven you? How were you to know that I was plain sick of you? YOU know the way you was livin was whack, and I had to get a nigga back like that! Shit youre a man with pride, but I did that shit like that. I just pick up and leave and leave you sick like that. yeah, I threw away what we had, just like that. You was "just" fuckin them girls, and you thought you was gon' get right back? They say you can't turn a bad girl good, But once a good girls goin bad, she's gone forever.. You'll mourn forever. Shit YOU gotta live with the fact that you did me wrong forever.

news

so i'm here at KTLA, inbetween duties, and I thought I'd share this patheitc story i found in our logs that I think is the dumbest thing ever... some lady left her 23 month-old baby in the car in Santa Clarita (which if you are from or know the LA area that mess gets HOTT) and the poor thing died.

"Detectives have learned that the child had been shopping with his mother earlier during the day. Upon returning to their home, the mother left the child in the vehicle unattended with the windows rolled up. After several hours, she realized the child was not in their home and returned to the vehicle to look for the child," Thompson said. "Upon doing so, she found the child still strapped in his car seat, unconscious."

HOW DO YOU FORGET YOUR BABY? there is NO excuse. A baby is not a damn phone or something that slips your mind when getting out the car, and hours later you go, hey where is that thing? SMSH. some people are NOT meant to be parents..

D: It's a lonely road when you know what you want. That's a road where you won't make stops and pick people up.

A: Yeah, but it's even lonelier when you don't know what you want.

D: Right, but when you don't know what you want, you're more liable to pick up hitch hikers.

A: I know, and for the moment you feel like you're on top, but at the end of the day you still go home alone. Hitch hikers come and go, they're never permanent.

D: Right, hitch hikers are there waiting for the next car to stop for them. They wont get their own car because they have no drive.

WHOA!

.. and this will be the last time i discuss this issue EVER again. i almost feel silly doing so mush as writing this, but i have never ever been so disgusted in my life. i'm not even hurt anymore i'm just.. ashamed at this point. like.. YUCK! its crazy how you can think you know somebody so well and they just change right before your very eyes. what THEY don't understand is my shit was on some for life type shit. the wife is for life. all u other groupies & bitches are just.. EASY access for the moment. i'm TATTED on there, so when he turns his back on YOU, you will see ME, never forget it ;]

and as far as you, if that's where you wanna be, go right on ahead, that's alright with me because you don't even know where i'm headed.








o all the ladies who "snoop" on their bf's, DON'T! unless you are given some serious reason to, and then once you find out what you need to know STOP! it doesn't matter what else happens after that, he's already done what he did in the 1st place. if he is your ex, why are you still looking? he already did what he did to you, why look for MORE reason to be hurt? you will never get over the boy if you keep him in your brain and worry about what he's doing and who he is with. he not over here worried about what your doing, and he ain't with you anymore and THAT SAYS ENOUGH. point blank period.

wake up

have you ever been in love? like really IN love? what about having your heart broken? been there? i asked someone this morning if they have and he said it was pretty early for such a random question. and i told him love is a disease. it never lets you sleep. when its good, you cant stop thinking about it. its so good that you cant sleep because you're thinking about it. and when it hurts, it hurts so bad that you still cant sleep because you're still thinking about it. not even trying to quote Kanye, but why does something that supposed to be so good, hurt soo damn bad? i've seen so many friends go through the pleasures and pains of love, and it is amazing how many times they keep letting themselves fall in love... if it hurts so bad, why do it again? why not avoid the pain by just never putting yourself in the position to get hurt in the first place? but then again, by avoiding it you never get to experience the joy of love, and the good sides of it. i don't know... fear is never a good thing to live in, but how can you not with all the horrible things in our world today? being caught between your heart and mind is the most confusing and stressful thing in the world.

well, off to another long hard day at work, for the 6th day in a row.

Here i am

that's right, i'm here again, in the blog world!! oh man... this should be interesting. what made me leave? change. what made me come back? change. i'm ready...

PS - Dark Knight is the BEST movie ever & Heath was the BEST joker ever!!!